Sunday, August 29


Wow it has been a long time since I've written. I'm sorry. I know that those who read this [Mum and Dad I'm talking to you] miss hearing my thoughts so I will endeavor to be regular from here on out.

This last few months have been... interesting. I've been out of work and on a strict budget. That budget did not include any internet allowance. So as it came harder for me to find inspiration to write about, not having home access to here became a good excuse to slow down. Then time got away from me.
Now things are looking up, I may be without work still but I believe employment is close by. I have also moved house and this time internet access is included in my rent. I've learnt and am still learning much about myself, my faith and my God.
Overtime I may share snippets of these last few "missing" [from the blog] months, but for now my plan is to pick up from here and move forward.

The purpose I first felt for this blog, was to inspire y'all of your potential. To inspire you to reach for it and not give up.
I slipped up when I stopped writing, I wasn't just inspiring you, I was reminding myself of truths that I need to hear. When I got scared of my potential, this began to look too hard. So I put it aside in the 'too hard basket', I have a terrible habit of not picking things up OUT of said basket.
Like when I'm sewing, there is the 'box of death' where half finished garments spend their days wondering if they'll ever be finished.

Just recently I've begun to be reminded that its' not my confidence that I need to reach my potential. Its confidence in my God.
I was talking this afternoon about what I want in life, and I was telling my friend how I think things have been so hard because I've been too afraid to pick up my potential. Too afraid to risk my reputation. Which is annoying because in my mind I don't care what people think - until it comes time for me to speak, or act. I freeze.

My passion, my heart is to help. Specifically to help others realise the strength and power within themselves. The strength that God gives us through Christ in us.
Think of the show "how to look good naked" with Carson Kressley. The heart of that is so aligned with my heart.  When I have looked at the big picture of how this could outwork itself in my life, its been to big for me to grasp. I haven't been able to find the beginning. Or have I? I've toyed with ideas of starting to sell at markets, to sell paintings or little things I've made. But I've held back, something came up, the market wasn't right......
As I spoke with this friend earlier He touched the idea that in selling my art, I'm selling myself. And that is why I'm afraid.
Is that right? Possibly, It definitely struck a chord in me but it needs more thought and prayer to answer.
The more we spoke the more 'confidence' came to mind. Maybe "lack of self confidence" is more correct.  Which ever it was, it is that my confidence is faulty that I am fearful of striking out.

So where should my confidence be?
In my head I know my confidence is in God. Someone forgot to tell my heart that.
My confidence to jump into the unknown should be in the arms of the God who will catch me.
Not in myself, all I have to do is propel myself forward, my confident trust should be in the one who protects me, provides for me and loves me so unconditionally that even if I fail today tomorrow is fresh, new and full of promise.

I'm the one on the left, with the look of worry...
When a child jumps into the arms of her father, she doesn't put her confidence in herself. She puts it in her father to catch her. Maybe sometimes for our earthly fathers we're a little misguided as their grip may slip. But our heavenly father has perfect grip. We won't fall.

The pictures are of me in January - when I went jetty jumping with my little sis, and cousin. And just like I could trust that the water here was deep enough that I'd be safe I can trust that it safe to jump into the deep waters of God's provision, care, love.......
it took awhile but in the end I did jump. 3x.

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